Marriage? Anyone?

Ah~ the topic I hate to talk about the most.

When someone, like my friends and cousins or nieces/nephews are getting married, there would be some suara sumbang saying "kau bila lagi?" I was irritated by if it were 4 years ago. Irritated because:-

>> One, my marital status is not of anyone concern but mine.
>> Two, I was and still am too young to be tied down myself.
>> Three, marriage is not a one-day-function kind of thing. It is a lifetime thing and needs a lot of emotional work and responsibility to make it last. So I should not simply pick up a stranger by the road, give him a tux, ties and a pair of shoes, then expect me to marry him right there isn't it?

However, as time flies by, seasons passed, the suara sumbang finally had no effect on me. Mainly because I have no care of words coming out from people who didn't know better. And people can say words that is a lot more offending then just a minor tease of "kau bila lagi?"

As a girl, I did have some kind of dream how my wedding would be, what dress I want to wear, the theme and theme colors, how many layers my cake should have, what church should I get married in, where should I do the reception, where should I rent my gown, who would do my makeup, who would be my bridesmaid and flower girl... All had been figured out except who is the groom. I once convinced myself to marry a realistic version of Mr. Jerry Maguire. Hah! Silly me~

But as I grow up, I love the idea of being single. I'm not saying I don't want to have a boyfriend, I mean single as in my marital status. But I previously feared to commit myself into any long-term relationship. My previous dating relationship will only last over a year but never got into the 2nd anniversary mainly because of my fear not want to get too serious. I'm not saying that I'm a player, because I truly do have feelings with them. Just not strong or deep enough I would call it love.
(I love the quote Kim K. made "love to be in LOVE" in a talk show before she married and dumps Kris Humphrey.)

My current boyfriend said it could be my fear of getting heartbreaks. I won't deny it because who would possibly want to endure such kind of ache? But there is a part of me said that my fear is much deeper than "afraid of heartbreak".

I have been with boyfriend since the last month of the first quarter of 2008 which was somehow after his birthday. (The a-bit-over-a-year ex before him thought we were together before the ex and I broke-up which was wrong) We were best friends for few months and I was hoping that we stayed BFF. I don't want and refuse to ruin the friendship that I have with him. He is an extremely sweet and nice person while I know my bad emotional habit will crushed him. When he confessed his feelings to me, I was horrified and tried to make him think it's just feeling that will fly away eventually. I convinced him that he could do better and promised to hook him up with one of my many friends but failed miserably. He insisted that he wanted me and nobody else and begged to have a try even just for a moment. I accepted it and guess what? It was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

I am not completely head over heel and in LOVE kind of love but he makes my life so much easier. From all the boys and men I have met, he is the only one that able to make me felt loved without the bling-bling, flowers, romantic dinner or sumpah janji dibawah bulan-bintang, batu dan pokok bambu (cliche). It was like we are connected through our mind/soul, we could think alike and able to walk the same path even though we have such different personalities.

People might call it opposite attraction but it's not. He is the reserve (unless provoked), strict, calm and collected type while I am loud, sarcastic, sometimes quite obnoxious, annoying but easy going. He is the planning type. He will prepare plan A, B and C, then always manage to go through according to those plan an succeed. I, on the other hand, just go with the flow and let time tells what is going to be next but always get what I want to get in the end. The way we view in life, about people, work, learning, etc is somewhat similar which make our conversation is very.... compatible? Is that the right word to use?

Being with him is so comfortable that I lost count how many years had gone by. And by this September, its been 5 years since we know each other.Without him, I might still be some little girl afraid of long-term relationship. I might still be bouncing from one guy to another now.

Though that been said, I still fear marriage. I am not afraid of giving birth, it sounds and look painful but it is not what I most afraid of. I am afraid of carrying responsibilities as a wife and a mother.

I have seen married friends juggling life, work, kids and husband. But what they get in returns? A bloody divorce paper just because they are not good enough as a wife. Worse, mistresses harassing the legal wife to leave the husband. I definitely am not prepared for all that(nobody will be anyway). I know people said: "Itu dari kau saja bah tu. Tidak semestinya semua lelaki macam itu. Pilihlah laki yang bagus2."

Err... Ya, easier said than done. I do trust boyfriend. Even before dating him, I can see he is not the type of man that would be swayed easily. But our dating relationship went extremely great, I just don't want to ruin that. Same like I don't want to ruin our friendship when he first ask me to become his girlfriend, but marriage is like an eternity thing.

Boyfriend did propose countless times but I rejected the idea. I don't think I'll ever be able to be ready. Our relationship has been stable and went very great these part 3 years (the early day of the relationship was great but turned a bit sour on the second year but not a very long time though). But I know if I let this man slipped out of my hands, it will be the dumbest thing I will ever do in my entire existence.

Gamophobia is the name for fear of marriage. Though I fear of signing the marriage paper, I refuse to acknowledge that I have Gamophobia because I do want to get married. Not now or any sooner, just someday.

A great friend, who passed few years back (bless his soul. Amen!), once told me:-

You are afraid because you haven't meet "the one". You know he is "the one" when you are able to imagine growing old in a shack but not feeling even a bit sad about it. 

So is boyfriend "the one"? (^_^)

I am the "boy" while he is definitely the "girlie-girl" in the relationship. 

Nobody would ever imagine how girlie this macho man is. 

Wink!

- JV

Bragging my new hobby.

In my previous post, I have mentioned about Photoshop as my new muse and I have done several things with it.

I have created my own copyright logo for pictures to be uploaded in this blog and several illustrations.

People who personally knows me would know how I am a manga addict. I do read some American comics but I still prefer Japanese, Korean, Chinese and local ones. Reading/watching too much of these stuff had effect my drawing skills - not that I am good in it anyway.

So here are my not-so-awesome illustration:-

Self-illustration.
Do not look like me that much.
My current hair is black instead of brunette.
I have cupid bow on my upper lips which this illustration don't have.
But who care anyway!
Who say illustration must look exactly like myself.
Hahahahaha!

I have sketched this in a boring seminar last year.
Or was it the year before?
The sketch was initially uploaded as boyfriend Facebook profile picture.
And when I learned the awesome-ness of Adobe PS, I got to use the sketch on it!
I imagine boyfriend face being cartooned when I sketch it.
And the Doraemon's Giant look-a-like pula yang terjadi.
But boyfriend does looks like the character and the irony is,
he got friends who call him Giant.
ROFL!

To make these, I sketch on a piece of paper first. 

Then took a picture (too lazy to use the scanner).
Next, set/alter the brightness of the picture I took (because they were dark).
After that, open on Adobe PhotoShop and do my magic tricks.
WALAH! Selesai~

I will upload my other sketches in this blog. It certainly felt good bragging on these. LOL!

P/s: These image are copyrighted and may not be used without the express written permission of the artist. Sketched and made by Jayvie Ong for viewing purpose only and all rights are reserved by Jayvie Ong. Sketch by myself and visualized with the help of Adobe PhotoShop
Please do not copy, download and used without written consent to/by the artist.
Copy right, copy left.
That's not right,
That's theft.

Did you know? 

Sharon Stone (yes the Hollywood hot actress. Don't know her? cue BASIC INSTINCT?) 

had maintained that she had an IQ of 148 and insisted of being a member of MENSA?

Until April 2001, she admitted she was not and had never been a member of the society.

Oh Stone, I still adore you and hail you as one of the most beautiful and drool-worthy-woman!

- JV

Minum Petang - Afternoon Tea

As young child, my mother would usually prepare something simple but delicious treat for afternoon tea. Our tea is usually around 4-5 pm.

Mom would prepare warm Milo drink for us children and Nescafe for the adult. We would have either cookies, biscuits, deept fried keropok udang or any kuih goreng  Dad would usually join us on the weekend because he was always busy on weekdays. So afternoon tea is like the only time our family of six would gathered and enjoy the afternoon in the living room. And mom loved to sweeten the drinks and treats at the time.

As I grow up, the afternoon tea happens less and less. Probably because the parents focus the financial on proper foods rather than some unhealthy treats. Or was it because the children turns to teenagers and refuse to join the parents? Or was it because we became busy with our own agenda?
There are many reasons as to why there is no afternoon tea in the house today.

I missed the moment. Parents have there adult talks about dad's work and friends while mom talked about some updates from her side of the family. The children would enjoy afternoon cartoon like Tom&Jerry or teased (bullied actually) each other till one of them cried.

Now, my afternoon tea is in the office. I still prefer having Milo over Nescafe. But the difference is, I would not put anymore sugar. Sometimes, I'll have green tea knowing the benefits it has. I rarely eat any afternoon treats because I am trying to loose weight at the moment. (Now don't laugh and mock at me with pointing finger saying jaga badan. Memang saya jaga badan and fyi, I succeeded to loose a lot of weight by cutting down unnecessary diets.) But I do have almonds as the healthier choice for afternoon tea.

Reminiscing the childhood memories does bring back some nostalgia feelings. Life was so easy back then. I wonder what would the younger generation kids would reminiscent about when they grow up? How awesome Iphone 4S was? How s/he joined a war for a guild in WoW? Got the title Game Master? How s/he was throwing temper-tantrums coz mommy deleted his WoW char? Or how his/er Iphone 4S was thrown down to the toilet bowl by daddy because s/he refuse to join afternoon tea?

Oh the life of the 90s.

Did you know?
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is a term referring to a fear of the number 666.
666 originated from a biblical verse in Revelation 13:18, 
where it indicates 666 is the number of the beast. 
The number is also linked to Satan and Anti-Christ. 
Woot!?
- JV

At home waxing

I have an at-home-waxing session last week. Not the brazillian wax one, gila! Sakit bah tu. Just some user friendly waxing strip!

I waxed area like my arms, leg and face. Usually I used waxing strip from Veet. But this time I used two different brand because there was a Raya discount on both the brand when I bought them.

Boyfriend was horrified when I told him I was waxing when he called. He seemed to be extremely confused as to why anyone want to torture oneself for the sake of beauty. Oh boys, what do they know?

Well I am not like a hairy monkey type. Just some sparse hair and they are quite fine. My skin is medium warm tone so the hair is not very visible as well. Makeups like foundation/BB cream is not going to stick properly onto the skin if there are facial hair on the face, even some extremely super fine ones. Makeup base/primer only help a little. Some women would have fine mustache but visible and that do not look flattering. AND applying moisturizer and lotion is going to be easier if the surface of the skin is smooth!

However, the negative things about waxing is the pain, the redness or red bump, after-waxing-dryness on the waxed area and in-grown hair. So extra moisturizing, cold shower to relief pain and redness and scrubs to reduce in-grown hair are important aftercare.

I started using waxing strips after college. I used those Veet hair removal cream/mousse and razors before that but every one would know how fast the hair would grow back.

The waxing strip is not that much help on the underarm and it was freaking hurt! My eyes were tearing up. I felt stupid doing it. And for that, I'll prefer a good old-fashioned plucking using tweezers or razors.

I got the hairy side from dad. I know because mom is hair free on her legs, arms and face. Why oh why I didn't get her side of the gene.

And after few hours of my waxing session, I got red bumps. Not the one they call chicken bumps and its not possibly in-grown hair either. My skin started to get itchy. It's odd you know cause I used strips that made specifically for sensitive skin. My skin also currently very dry probably caused by the moisture stripped off of my skin from the waxing. My face have flaky patches which happened quite a lot lately. Even before I do the waxing. It is possible that combination skin is turning to dry.

With waxing, hair growth is slower and the hair that will grow is finer and less pigmented.

But with that been said, I'll never going to let those strip any near my face ever again, that is 100% for sure~

Trichotillomannia is a type of disorder where 

the person has a habit of pulling his/er hair. 

It was caused by anxiety, frustration, and depression. 

- JV

Kedai Gambar? No... It's PhotoShop!

I have a new muse.

I have just discover the greatness, awesome-ness and the brilliant-ness of PhotoShop.

I don't remember how I got the Adobe PhotoShop software but surely never bought it. Or perhaps it was boyfriend got it? Or from a friend? I'm not sure...

For me, PhotoShop software is like a foreign thing. I don't understand what magic wand do, what the heck Filter means and what the door does layer for. So I have never bothered to try to learn about it. Even though I have been blogging anonymously for sometimes, I always use Paint to put copyright text on the picture.

Then I learned about the word 'watermark'. Some of you might think "Oh! Typical buta IT/Tech" but I really have no idea what it meant. So I Google it and obviously hooked! I didn't know you can put a text or an image as watermark over another image and then made the watermark slightly fades can brings such an euphoria to my world!

I started to learn one trick after another and now I am hooked!

And I have just made a copyright logo for images I am going to put in this blog. I felt like I am the last person on earth getting so hype on the software.

So if anyone of you didn't own a copy of the Adobe Photoshop software, you can always use Pixlr editor that is a free online photo editor which work almost the same like PhotoShop. It also have 2 other options, Pixlr express (Efficient) - which is semi advanced and Pixlr-o-matic (Playful) - the basic one that even 3 years old can use. Also app for Android & IPhone.

I have never imagine how awesome PhotoShop could be one I learn how to use it. It is FUN!

Dis you know? 

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Start your day with an apple tomorrow might be a good healthy lifestyle to keep!

Too bad, I hate apple =.="

- JV

Happy Malaysian Day, Jesselton!

Woah! It was raining heavily this morning. It scared me half to death! Thank God that I went jogging at Bukit Padang earlier this morning. I don't go to exercise a lot, but I do enjoy jogging! Just don't have much time to do it.

AND it was Malaysian Day yesterday. I didn't go out to celebrate the day. Not that I am lacking on patriotism, but I just can't bear myself get stuck in KK trafic. So I stayed at home all day configuring and improving my newly made blog. It was so much fun! I think?

So people kept fussing on the Independence year date issue. I understand completely why Sabahan and Sarawakian are fussing about the date. It's about the 20 perkara thing and how the Kerajaan Persekutuan mistreating the E. M'sian which clearly can be seen through the years of the independence. However for me, it is just another date. I don't even care of my birthday any more. But what I felt certainly is not shared by the many Sabahans here.

Friends had said that I am not patriotic enough, I am the government supporter, I am lack of knowledge and refuse to learn of our historical fact, et cetera. I do lack of knowledge and I do hate learning history. Man, I constantly fail my Sejarah back in school!! But that doesn't mean I don't know about the 20 perkara, our Sabahan histories and the formation of the Malaysia. I may not know the exact details but so are the many people who claimed that they know better than the next person.

What I don't like seeing is the people who are complaining a lot more is actually not the eligible voters or they are eligible voters but never gone to vote at all. They complain like there is no tomorrow. Accused the government NATO but actually NATO themselves because by the time its general election day, s/he said: "ah, banyak lagi orang pergi vote tu. Memang kalah lah XX ni kali." or "ah, undi ka tidak, XX juga yang menang tu. Tau lah ada undi hantu."  - How do you know when you didn't play your part at all? I personally know people who have these kind of mindsets actually.

It is also very funny when these people who talk trash about the government spending too much money to unnecessary spending but s/he is one of the people who gone to get the bantuan BR1M. But I'm not judging saying it is wrong, anyone deserve to take the bantuan. It's just me being silly, thinking its funny for no reason.

Lets not to forget those who use dirty political agendas and posted them to the internet just to crush down the other party. Lets not point fingers because we know each side had done it.

I totally get it why the year is such an issue though. If someone suddenly reduce my age, errrr... no that sounds very good actually. Well if someone minus 10 years on my birth year, which makas me 10 years older, I'll be kind of annoyed by that. Sabahans had felt abandoned and felt like we are the second class citizen by the people across the sea for so many years. Then, adds to the alleged timber exploitation, alleged corruptions, 5% oil things going on, immigrant issues and many other things. All this anger and disappointment just escalates. I have this theory, I'm no expert but this is just bual kosong and a view of a childish new generation of Sabah, people think that if they can convince the government at the Persekutuan to revert or change the dates or corrects the Independence date of Malaysia, we can convince many other things.

How I wish and pray for the better of our country. I don't care of the date, the year or the month. All I care is living in peace and there are many other issues that we could ask and convince the government to help us with. There are many other important issues that should be stressed on. I don't need to go on details because I'm sure my Sabahan brothers and sisters would understand what those issues are.

Make LOVE not wars. Peace.

Jay is for Jesselton. F is for First-post?

Who knew making and setting a blog would take some exhausting time and concentration efforts. 

I know I do.

I want to start a new routine in my life. I want to make a diary or a journal but thinking since Sabah cannot cut kayu balak anymore, why not save some papers and trees, make a blog. Boyfriend doesn't sound impressed though. He think that I am going to be posting some controversial shizz and get trouble. No honey bunny, I promise I will only make some troubles only with you around so I won't be alone when. Muahahahahaha!

I've been doing some bloging anonymously just to try out what blogging is like. And I am loving it. Especially when you see your rating is getting higher and higher. 

Since this is a new blog and a new post, I'm not expecting any readers. But yeah, this is my first post kinda speech. Felt like an important person giving a writing speech to officially cut the blog ribbon. Hah! 

JV